It's funny how I had an idea of how my summer would be, and everything I planned has changed. I planned to take a class and a lab. I had to drop that. I planned on getting in really good base training. That seems to have gone down the drain. I planned on spending time with lots of people. There just doesn't seem to be enough time.
So I've been really discouraged about all these things lately, especially running. It's frustrating that the one thing I want to do most, I can't do. As I was thinking about all this today, I also started thinking about God's plan for me this summer. He obviously has a different plan than what I had originally. I know in my mind that his plan is better than I could even imagine, but I am having so much trouble truly believing that in my heart. So many times I think I know best about my life, but I forget that my life is not my own, it is my Savior's. I am not here to please myself, but to please my Creator. If my plans are not bringing Him glory, then they need to change. If my running is no longer bringing Him glory, then I don't need to be doing it. That is the hardest thing for me to say, but it is true.
I need to trust the One who created me and died for me. This is my biggest struggle right now. I have to trust His promise:
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to bring you hope and a future." (I have to accept that those plans may not include running, but I certainly pray that they do)
This song has carried me through so many hard times:
"God you know my heart. I've laid it down before you.
And God you know my deep desire: how I only want to honor you.
And I know that you've got the desires of my heart and you've got them set apart.
And you know the better thing and I've simply got to trust
That if you choose not to give me what I want, you'll give me something better.
Better is your plan for me, better is your perfect timing
Better it is when I look through your eyes and I know
That you've got the desires of my heart."
It sounds like I am giving up on running...this is certainly not the case. I still believe God has a plan for me in my running. I know injury is only temporary, but it's very discouraging and frustrating at the same time. I have faith that God will completely heal me, and that I will be a stronger runner and person as a result of my injuries and time off.
3 comments:
hi loren. we have so much to catch up on. how about a date with me and damie? send me an email at janjohnson06@gmail.com!
Hey girl. I can empathize with your struggles for sure. I think there is a big struggle when you are an athlete to figure out what is in your control and what is in God's control. In our athletic minds, we are responsible for our success. I think it is really hard to let go of that control. (I will not quote any scripture- as you have probably figured out I am Catholic and not even a good one, so I don't know any scripture! But God and I are friends ;) I thought after Ironman last year I would really push it hard this year and have breakthroughs. I looked back at my training logs and realized that I am doing so much less this year, especially since the running dropped off- and I am slower than I was 2 years ago! It makes me want to scream with frustration- but both of us need to keep our heads up, not let the injuries get the best of us, and TRUST in God. DARE TO DREAM, TRUST IN GOD, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Okay- I love your blog, it always inspires me. You must email Jan and we are going to lunch. :) or a walking date! ha ha!
Take it from some one who has been there many times before....take this time to reflect on what you have done, recover, get strong, and start off fresh when you get healthy again.
In the long run, you will look back on this time and think, why did I stress myself over this so much. It will come back sooner then you think.
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