Confession

I'm struggling a lot with my eating again. I don't really want to post it on here because I am ashamed and embarrassed by this struggle, but I need to get it out. I need for others to know about it, and it seems like this is the only way because I haven't had the opportunity to talk to someone or I have been too ashamed to say it in person. Confession, prayer, and accountability are what I need most. I confess to God and pray, but I need other believers in my life to confess to, to pray for me, and to hold me accountable. I can't do this alone.
My struggle (which is really hard for me to put on here) is bingeing at night. I wrote about it last August because I was struggling a lot with it then. Things got better, but I was still constantly struggling. Now things are like they used to be. I hate how it seems like you can never fully defeat your battles. Even if things get better, it's like you will always battle the same thing. I hate that my battle is with food. I hate that I can't have a normal relationship with food. I'm not even trying to lose weight; I just want to eat normally. I binge at night, eat very little during the day to make up for it, and then end up bingeing again. I know I need to eat plenty during the day to prevent me from over-eating at night, but even when I do eat normal during the day, I will still overeat at night. This is especially hard since I can't run right now. I'm still able to exercise, but I don't feel like it does nearly as much good as running does.
Fortunately, I am not struggling as much with body image as I used to. It is still a battle, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. However, I know if this bingeing cycle continues, I will struggle a lot more with body image.
It's ironic that I am a nutrition major, that healthy eating is very important to me, and that I know the right things to do, yet this is my struggle. I don't really know if there is something that triggers it or not. For some people, it is stress or emotional lows, but even when I am not stressed or down about something, I still binge.
I want so badly to be able to eat and be satisfied with normal portions and not want more. I want self-control, to stop eating when I get full, and to not think about when I will eat next. Part of me (most of me) hates this struggle, but part of me is thankful for it. It keeps me humble and seeking after the Lord. I know God can use this for my good and for His glory if I let Him have control; the hard part is that I want control. I am too selfish to yield to God and follow Him, but that is what I am striving for. Thankfully, God cares about the process more than the end result because this is a long process for me that will hopefully change me and make me stronger and more like Christ.
This is extremely hard for me to post because of the people I know who read my blog who I see/talk to often. I know this doesn't change their opinion of me and that they will pray for me, but this is a very shameful and embarrassing struggle, so it's hard to let others know about it. But I need to stop hiding and keeping everything in, so I think this post is something I need to write.