Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Paving a Walkway of Prayer

I have now made it 5 weeks without binge-eating! This is huge for me!
When I started this journey, I had to realize that it wasn't about ending this habit or about the benefits that would come from not bingeing (not feeling the shame or guilt, feeling better about the way I looked, etc). I had to realize that it was more about an issue in my heart: I think about, crave, and arrange my life too much around food. I had to admit that I rely on food more than I rely on God. I crave food more than I crave God. Food is my comfort, reward, and joy. Food is what I turn to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness. I hated admitting that. I felt like a spiritual failure. But in order to change, I had to realize the issues that needed to change. To stop binge-eating, I have to address the issues that cause the bingeing.
In the book, Made to Crave, the author used her cravings for food (food that she should not eat) as prompts to pray. This was her way of tearing down the tower of impossibility and building something new: a walkway of prayer. This visual has really helped me. I haven't done great at doing this, but it really does help to use my cravings to binge as prompts to pray. And each time I pray and resist temptation, I am taking more bricks from the "tower of impossibility" and using them to lengthen my "walkway of prayer," paving my path to victory through the strength God provides. I have used this in other areas as well. With my knees, I have tried to use the pain as a prompt to pray. Each time I feel pain, I am reminded to pray for my knees. I pray that not only God will heal them, but that he will use this experience for my good and for His glory, that He will teach me and grow me through this, and that others will see Him through this.
One prayer that I use is from Psalm 5:3:

Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

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